diving right on in

If I had to be defined by one feature, it would probably be that I like to be in control.

All the time.

A little bit out of control, and the anxiety comes, and fast.

And now, after being in a relationship for 3 and a half years, then being single for a few months, I am starting a new relationship.  There is no sense of control in such a situation. Therefore, I am freaking out.

Not knowing what we “are” (dating? boyfriend/girlfriend? “hooking up”?) kills me. kills me, kills me, kills me.

Also, this relationship is starting right before he moves back home.  5 hours from where I live.  Please tell me where the sense in that is.  And, of course, you can’t. Because there is no sense.  It’s all about the present, and the fact that I am having fun and enjoying myself right now.  Screw how it affects me in the future!

I swear I’m a smart girl. I swear it. Most of the time, at least.

But I want a relationship.  I have to admit it.  I’m a relationship girl.  I could die happy if I had a relationship that was as beautiful and happy as these two look in this picture:

And there are some slim pickins’ around here, let me tell you. But this boy, well he isn’t half bad, to say the least. So I’m throwing any sense away just because I want a relationship with this boy.

So, in advance, to all the friends who I will be crying/complaining to when this blows up in my face, I would like to apologize.


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