knowing

This song by Ingrid Michaelson basically represents my experience with guys for the past year.  Sometimes, I’m afraid that I like this boy more than he likes me.

“Baby you’ve got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby you’ve got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love’s too big for you my love

Baby you’ve got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love’s too big for you my love
My love’s too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby you’ve got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don’t need me, but you won’t leave me
My love’s too big for you my love
My love’s too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do to take away the you?

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again”

but at the same time, I’m not sure that I’m exactly in love here.  Maybe this is just a casual and fun thing to me, too… How I feel about this relationship seems to change every day…

I mean, there are some things I really like about this guy, but there are also things I don’t like.  Well, not necessarily don’t like.. more like, there are a lot of things we don’t have in common.

I wish I knew how you’re supposed to feel about a guy at the beginning. If he really is someone you can spend the rest of your life with, how do you know? Do you know? Because I was not entirely sure about my ex-boyfriend (that I was with for 3 and a half years) in the beginning.  There was no love at first sight, or a spark or anything.  But I forced myself to hold out and see what happened.  And for a majority of the relationship, I ended up really really loving him.  I thought he was “the one”, that we would end up married someday. But it also ended badly…

So should you hold out and see if a relationship might end up being worth it? Or should you just click in the beginning?

I mean, this guy… can be really sweet. And he loves his family. And he’s not a total douche-bag frat boy.  And he likes dogs.  And he wants to live in the same place, near his home and family.  He’s basically me, as a boy, in a lot of ways.  But he also is hockey crazy (and I’m not). And he doesn’t like my favorite band (which I love more than anything).  And he likes movies that are super immature (is that just all boys though??).  And we don’t get each other’s humor half the time.  And a sense of humor is very important to me.  I can’t spend tons of time with someone if we don’t laugh (and a lot).

Basically, big picture stuff = perfect.  Day to day stuff = not as much in common.

I guess that’s the point of dating, though? To find out how much these differences matter. To see if they outweigh the good parts.  I’ll never remember to do this, but I should just relax and let what happens happen.

Highly unlikely.

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