crawling in the dark

Yep, I went there. Hoobastank song title as my blog heading.  But, hey, it fits my life right now, so gimme a break.

First of all, I am having lunch with my ex-boyfriend tomorrow. He wants to be friends, and so do I (sometimes, until I get those feelings of hate/hurt/anger comin’ back from the break up). And the last time I saw him, we were together, so my reaction should be interesting when I see him.  I could honestly start crying in a public place, which is not exactly out of character for me (I once took a facebook quiz that told me I am prone to weepiness).  And when I bring this up, people seem a little wary. Hopefully this isn’t a disastrous idea, but lately, I tend to take risks rather than look back and wonder.

Second, I am kind of unsure of how to be single.  I am always going to be attracted to some guy at some point, aren’t I?  It seems impossible for me to avoid feelings for the opposite sex.  What can I say, I love men.  I had my first crush in kindergarten on a boy named Kevin, and there was no turning back.  So how do I avoid it? I mean, I honestly still have feelings for the ex sort-of-boyfriend that I just ended things with, and I’m scared to see him again, knowing that I’m going to want to be with him. How exactly do I shut off that attraction, or at least not let it rule my world?

I think I need a hobby.  A nice distracting hobby that involves nothing to do with males of any kind.

Or I could (continue to) foster celebrity crushes that will never amount to anything.  That’s healthy… right?

Currently, I’ve got a thing for Adam Beach of Law & Order: SVU and Big Love acclaim.

I think it’s the voice. You gotta hear that slow, smooth voice.


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