my future husband part II

Dear Future Husband,

I am lost without you, and yet I am single for our sake.  I am struggling with being single.  Right now, I feel like the single life is not meant for me.  But it could just be because I am not used to it.  Either way, my heart is hurting.  After feeling so loved, like I was the most important person to someone, I feel empty.  I have not yet learned to depend on myself to make me happy, to fill myself with love and meaning.  From an objective point of view, I see myself as only half a person, capable of being complete only when I’m with someone else.  This breeds dependence, anxiety, and insecurity in me that would ultimately lead to the decay of a loving relationship.  I don’t know how to change this, but surely being single for a while can help. I will need to cope with being alone. I will be forced to make myself happy because there will be no one else to do it.

My mom says that I can’t depend on other people to make me happy anyway.  No offense to you, but she believes that no one, including a man, will ever be dependable.  The only person who is 100% dedicated to you and your best interest is you.  I am starting to learn this, because I have been thoroughly disappointed by a couple of guys.  Their interest is themselves.  Part of me feels they are selfish, but a part of me wonders if they are doing the right thing, and I’m not.  For one thing, they are much happier than I am.  Is putting yourself first the only way to be that happy? Am I looking at this wrong?  Or maybe I just need to be concerned with myself a little more, rather than be focused entirely on other people making me happy.  I’m going to be optimistic and assume that this is for the best. That what I learn during this single period will be for my best, and will benefit us, too, later on.

I hope you are out there, and that you’ll love me the way I want you to.  I hope you find something in me that makes you happy. I hope you tell me I’m beautiful, and mean it.  I hope you will be there to tell me I’m worth it, and that I matter.

I hope we will have this:

Until then, I’ll try to do these things for myself.

With so much love,

Your Future Wife

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