staying positive

Without getting into details, let me say that I recently did something embarrassing.  I’ve been coming off as more and more erratic lately, and this just took the cake!  The point is I’m rather humiliated, tired of the mess I’ve made of my life, crying like a baby, etc.

I’m in a bad place in my life where everything seems like the end of the world.  So in order to not go crazy here, I’m trying to stay positive everyday.  It’s a lot more work than it should be, but it’s important.

I need to remember that feelings may be overwhelming, but they’re also temporary.  When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I wanted to just die. I don’t think I’ve ever been more miserable. But now, I don’t  feel anything romantic for him at all, and I’m glad we’re not together anymore. Those miserable, want-to-kill-myself feelings went away even though I felt like they never would.

And as a totally neurotic person, I see things as a much bigger deal than they actually are. I need to remember this when I’m freaking out about something (or to be more accurate: everything).

Also, maybe God is doing this for a reason.  He has a plan for me that I cannot understand at this point.  For example, I want to do Teach for America. That could involve going anywhere in the country, and a relationship could hold me back from meeting that goal.  I could totally see myself being like “oh you’re living in PA? I guess that’s where I’m living too so we can stay together!”

And just one more realization:  In a relationship, I meant everything to someone.  But now as a single person, I mean something to a lot more people.  I can spread myself across more relationships and share my life with bucket-loads of people!

Unfortunately, this is probably just another brief reprieve from me being a miserable baby, but it’s better than always being miserable, right?

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