idealize (v.) :

to regard as perfect or better than in reality.

I have made a startling revelation, a breakthrough if you will!  I can’t believe no one’s ever thought of this before!  Maybe, just maybe… being in a relationship is not ideal, not perfect, not so much better than being single.

Examples from the relationship I desperately clung to for far too long:

  • The hour and a half spent defending a facebook picture of me dancing with a gay male friend.
  • Splitting time at home between him and my family (and feeling guilty about not spending time with whoever I’m not with).
  • Obnoxiously long and boring trips to any outdoor store.
  • The jealous feeling and resulting argument after he mentions a female friend a few too many times.
  • Anxiety about impressing his friends and his family.
  • Feeling guilty when I find another guy attractive.
  • Crying in public.
  • Pretending to care about things I do not care about at all.
  • The fear of being honest with him, and with myself, because it could end the relationship.

These things were not fun.  They made me reach some of my lowest points: in sadness, in anger, in annoyance.  I seem to forget them now that I’m single, and focus on the good things about being in a relationship.  But maybe I should try a little harder to remember them, and realize that being single isn’t so bad after all.  It might, in fact, be the better option for me right now.

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