nope, not over it yet.

I am not my biggest fan right now.  I hate myself, just a little bit.

Because, to be honest, I have ruined my own reputation.  At least in my eyes.

Since this is pretty much an anonymous blog, let me admit what I did, put it out there.  I got drunk, very drunk, and slept with someone I just met.

Before that, the only person I’d been with was my ex-boyfriend, who I was with for 2 and half years before having sex.

Good thing about it: it was my wake up call that I was getting out of control.

Bad thing: self-loathing is at an all-time high.  I hate myself for what I did, I have no respect for myself as a person, I think I’m a slut, that I’m trash.

You certainly can think I deserve to feel this way, it’s my own fault.  But it still sucks.  I have to live with what I did, I can never take it back, and it hurts like nothing else.  And maybe I shouldn’t put this out in the world, but I feel like I have to.  It sitting inside me driving me crazy with hate for myself is not working for me, I have to let it out somewhere.

I’ll probably just delete this eventually.  But I need to get it out there for now.

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