no sleep and a big F*@# you.

I swear I’m the type of person who tries to see the positive side of things and the good in everybody.  But tonight I just can’t.

My ex-boyfriend kind of destroyed me, ripped me apart, etc. etc. (again, forgive me, melodrama galore).  And he keeps popping up in my life.  I have literally spelled out to him that hearing from him brings me down for days.  That his presence represents nothing but stress and pain for me.  But he keeps going.  Keeps contacting me, trying to be friends, and I am about to lose it.

It is 4am and I am crying.  I’ve been totally single for about 3 months, and I haven’t cried once except when he has decided to reemerge.

This next paragraph is just what I’d like to say to him (but won’t really, because more contact is the last thing I want):

Remember when I said I don’t want to hear from you? And that it actually hurts me to hear from you?  Does that maybe ring a bell? Because if you cared about me at all, even a little, in the 3 and a half years we spent together, you would probably, maybe, respect that and just disappear.  I haven’t known happiness like what I feel now that I’m on my own and stress free in years, and you seem to love to tear that down for me.  Oh, and also, I blame you for my complete inability to trust or be able to form a meaningful emotional relationship with another guy right now.  Yes, it’s my job to overcome that, but you still created the problem, so thanks. And thanks for continually creating more problems now that we’re not even together, not even friends.

Anyway… anybody as cool as me and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey?  If so, maybe this whole “cutting stress out of your life” moment reminds you of Dina and Danielle’s dinner on this week’s episode.

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