something missing

I am a baby.  I get very sad very easily, and when I do, it’s like a weird funk I can’t get out of for days or even weeks.  But then again, a lot of my friends are in the same funk.  We are at an awkward age.  No, we’re not in puberty, but we are in a kind of relationship limbo.  Not alone forever (yet), but young and single and kind of hating it.  Not because we necessarily hate being alone (even though everybody does sometimes, I think), but because we aren’t sure how long this being alone thing is going to last.  If I could know, just know for sure, that in, say, 10 years I’d be happy with a husband and at least one child, I could enjoy today.  But I don’t know that, and I’ll never know for sure until it happens.

Oh, fear of the unknown, you are the worst kind of fear, aren’t you?

Ugh, basically the summary of my current situation: I am feeling sad, alone, and unwanted.  This is a totally pathetic and self-indulgent kind of sadness, isn’t?  I could grow up, get over it, and enjoy being single again, but I seem to prefer wallowing in self pity instead.  The effort to dig myself out feels like much too much, and I have no motivation. None.  Zero. Nada.  Zip.  I know I’d hate me if I read this blog, but I beg of anyone who reads this, please just let me indulge in this sad, whimpering, pitiful state of mind just for another day or so.  It’s so comfortable here.

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