broken

I’ve been so miserable lately because I feel like.. nothing. That makes no sense lol. But since my ex-boyfriend and the assault situation, I’ve been in a downward spiral where I’ve just given up. I can’t seem to stop myself. I feel like my ex-boyfriend threw me away, someone else used me, someone else tried to, and the other guys I’ve been with did too, and it’s just been one thing after another that makes me feel like “what’s the point?” I don’t feel anything during sex anymore, the only thing I feel is guilty when other people know and talk about it.  And I have never seen anyone actually stay together happily, and I have only been having experiences that make me feel like all guys are assholes and there is no such thing as a happy relationship. Romantic love seems like such a joke. So it’s hard to work toward that instead of throwing myself away when I don’t see a point, you know?

And at this point, it feels like it’s too late and I already am a whore, always will be, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Like no one will actually want me or respect me because I don’t respect myself anymore. I know I shouldn’t give up, but I really don’t feel like I have the energy to try.
I am not me anymore, I don’t know who I am, but I hate it.

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