Posts Tagged 'happiness'

message to the media

Hi, media! Thanks for entertaining me and what not, but I have a little bone to pick with you right now. Just so you know, you don’t have to tell me how to get a man. Also, you don’t have to tell me how to change so a man will want me. And you really don’t have to tell me that I should have minimal sexual experiences so I won’t seem like a slut to any potential boyfriends or even husbands. Because, actually, I don’t want one. If you can believe it, a woman can enjoy life without the security blanket of a man by her side. I actually tend to walk down the street with no one holding my hand, with pride. I don’t really need a relationship to define me as a successful person. I know I am. And (I know, I know, it’s crazy) I’m not even lonely! I have an amazing family, amazing friends, and amazing co-workers. I have my own pursuits in my career, social life, and plans to make a difference in the world. Potential boyfriends would so be in the way of what I want. “Hey, I’m moving to D.C. after my certification. Oh, you want to stay in PA? Good for you, and good for me that I don’t have to consider your plans when making mine.” I know what will make me happy, and I love not having to worry about a guy’s plans getting in the way of that! Maybe once my life is all set up I will consider letting a man in, but for now, I’m quite content on my own. And guess what? I still have sex! And I don’t feel bad about it. Who knew! I enjoy every aspect of my life without worrying about what some nameless, faceless future partner will think.  And because of that, I really get to live the life I want. I am not ashamed of anything I do, and I have a blast. I never had as much fun in that 3 and a half year relationship that I thought would fulfill me as I do now. So, please, if you could focus on some other female stereotype that I actually fit, like a love of shoes, it would be much appreciated!

 

❤ Me

 

living life for ME

This is my challenge. How do I live my life in a way that makes me happy, even if it’s incompatible with what I think will make others happy?

I like being single.  I’m having fun.  The further I get away from the relationship I was in, the more I realize what a source of stress it was for me.  I cried so much in that relationship.  Out of sadness, frustration, anxiety, whatever negative emotion you can think of. I even hurt myself to deal with the incredible stress from the constant fights that came out of our incompatibility.  Life now? It’s fun and generally stress-free!  I still have anxiety issues sometimes, but they’re at about… 1/8 of what they were.

And I always hated the constant physical affection.  Once in a while, it’s sweet and special, but it was always always always.  I like my physical space (stay out of my bubble, please!).  And now that I’m single, I have that space!  And if a guy ever gets too close to me, I have no qualms with saying “okay, back off.” I’m not constantly worrying about hurting his feelings or worrying about what it’ll say about the relationship.

And most importantly, I can be free to act however I want without hurting anyone else.  My actions solely affect me (to an extent, of course) and I love it.  If I want to flirt with so and so, or stay out all night without calling anyone to talk about their day, no one is hurt.  The freedom is exhilarating.

But here is the issue: Part of me wants to be in a relationship solely because I’m afraid of how others will see me if I’m a single girl.  Do they think something is wrong with me? That I can’t get or keep a guy?  I tend so much to worry what people think of me, and it makes me feel bad about myself.  And here’s the best part: No one has ever said anything bad about me or anyone I know for being single.  I basically made this conception up.  Who knows were I got it from, but it sticks with me and comes up from time to time.

Either way, this is NOT a good enough reason to be with someone!  If someone compatible and wonderful enough comes along and sweeps me off my feet, and they’re worth it to me to give up single life, then hooray!  Until then, I have to ignore what other people think (aka what I think they think) and just live my life the way that makes me happiest.

P.S. I doubt that person is coming along toooo soon. I am in college. Males in my life are generally not men, they are guys.  They have this deceivingly masculine, adult, and manly body (very deceiving! and tempting…), but they have the emotional capacity and responsibility of a 5th grader.  I think I’ll let them grow up a little bit before I settle for one.  It’s like leaving cookies in the oven a little longer.  I know I’ll want one of them eventually, but not just yet, they’re a little too soft and might make me sick at this point.

idealize (v.) :

to regard as perfect or better than in reality.

I have made a startling revelation, a breakthrough if you will!  I can’t believe no one’s ever thought of this before!  Maybe, just maybe… being in a relationship is not ideal, not perfect, not so much better than being single.

Examples from the relationship I desperately clung to for far too long:

  • The hour and a half spent defending a facebook picture of me dancing with a gay male friend.
  • Splitting time at home between him and my family (and feeling guilty about not spending time with whoever I’m not with).
  • Obnoxiously long and boring trips to any outdoor store.
  • The jealous feeling and resulting argument after he mentions a female friend a few too many times.
  • Anxiety about impressing his friends and his family.
  • Feeling guilty when I find another guy attractive.
  • Crying in public.
  • Pretending to care about things I do not care about at all.
  • The fear of being honest with him, and with myself, because it could end the relationship.

These things were not fun.  They made me reach some of my lowest points: in sadness, in anger, in annoyance.  I seem to forget them now that I’m single, and focus on the good things about being in a relationship.  But maybe I should try a little harder to remember them, and realize that being single isn’t so bad after all.  It might, in fact, be the better option for me right now.